my, how things have changed
i’ve lost my blogging voice. and while that’s not a bad thing, it’s a lonely, boring place to be. i can’t pinpoint when i lost it – definitely a few years ago when facebook and instagram took over my daily accounting. and then i think fear took over. fear of saying the wrong thing; of unintentionally hurting someone because of something i wrote. and now…after not blogging for forever, i want to write again. but what do i write?
when i started blogging, we had babies. only two of them…but it was a long time ago, and those babies were exhausting and adorable and filled my days of mommy-ing that i loved. it was hard and did i mention exhausting? we eventually added a third baby to the mix and all three of them grew quickly.
now those babies are tweens and teens. and i find it difficult to blog about my mommy-ing. parenting. it’s a difficult balance: do i know when to write about them? i feel like i need their permission to write about them. and honestly, i can’t write about our days because … they’re difficult. and confusing. and who wants to read a blog about struggles and imperfections of parenting pre-adults.
facebook has created a space for the world to talk to each other. this is a great thing – to keep in touch with so many people; to reach across country borders and easily communicate with old friends, and maybe make new. but it’s also done so much damage. people without filters abusing the platform to verbally wound someone of a different ilk. personalities coming out from people you thought you knew. it has made me stop talking. it has been the sole reason i have stopped writing.
i am back on the blog because i have a very small readership, hardly any commentors, and those of you who are still here reading aren’t the people who feel their (very loud, obnoxious) voice is the only correct one. i am trying to find my voice again. it might have some parenting stories, but they will be few and far between, and with the consent of my subjects.
my life these days is educating our boys; of reading books; of listening to podcasts about books and authors; of making things with my hands; of trying to be a better wife and mother; of theatre and playwright-ing; of acting and directing; of staying healthy both in mind and body; and of staying as far away as possible of the synthetic relationships one finds online.
so i ask you, dear readers, to bear with me. my blogs may still be few and far between…or perhaps they’ll come at a fevered pace every now and then. they won’t be consistent. i guess we’re at a midlife blogging crisis. maybe i should go buy a red convertible instead of try to continue blogging?