we took the boys to the pool this afternoon before rowan's last t-ball practice this evening. it's finally getting to the dog days of summer (can i tell you how much i'm loving it?) and it was HOT today, so we had a great time in the sun and water. at one point, i left kenny with the three boys while i went to the loo and when i came back he told me that there was a pool commotion when i was gone. the lifeguard dove (carefully) into the water after a little girl at the same time her mom ran after her. by the time i got there, the parents were sitting on the side of the pool asking the little girl questions: "are you okay? what's your name? what's your brother's name?" to which there was no reply from the little girl. the dad looked very nonchalant, and finally the mom stood up and took the girl to the first aid room. within minutes the lifeguards ran to tell the dad to pack up all their belongings and then more lifeguards were running to open a gate and then an ambulance arrived. all within 5 or 6 minutes of my getting back to the pool!

i began praying for that little girl, for that family...just for peace and grace and health. geez, i can't imagine what was going on in that mom's spirit during those moments. we found out on our way out of the pool later that they weren't sure if she had a seizure or a mini-stroke or whatnot, but she was virtually unresponsive. i was JUST reading the other day about this thing called "dry drowning" in which a child can die of "drowning" hours after swimming. they can walk, talk normally, etc, but water gets into their lungs and eventually asphyxiates them. there are symptoms (extreme tiredness, acting strangely, a bit of labored breathing) that if caught can be treated and the child's life can be saved. but geez...parents don't need another thing to worry about!

i can't stop thinking of this family and how their day went from completely normal to full of worry and fear. i remember thinking when we lost rowan momentarily at the water park last week, "what are we going to do tonight if we have to get in the car and rowan's car seat is empty? how will we drive home to PA? what will we tell our family?" since then, and especially on his birthday, i've been thanking God over and over and over for the first blessing of his birth, and the second blessing in that we didn't lose him that day, and the ongoing blessing of all three of our boys each and every day. i hope and pray that this family today at the pool gets to feel as i do now.

being a mom is the only thing i've ever wanted to do. since i was little. all through high school, college, and after college. i knew that anything else i'd do in life would be second-rate compared to raising a family. and nothing i've experienced so far has come close to this journey. i think what's so great about it is that i get to share it with kenny. any joys or fears we face in parenting we face together. therefore, the joys are bigger, the fears aren't so lonely. it's made me a less selfish person - a person i can begin to live with.

but parenting is deep stuff. we're responsible for the love, care, and safety of human beings. seriously, what is more scary than that? thank God for grace! the daily grind can take our focus away from the sacredness of raising our children. i'm becoming more and more sensitive to it now. this doesn't mean every day is perfect and without blemish. because i mess up and i get angry or frustrated. but i know that if i dwell on the frustration, i'll regret these years when i look back on them. and regret is not a feeling i wish to have when an empty nest finds me unexpected.